The trip was with my class, deep into the wilds of
Pennsylvania (aka-a state park). It was
at the beginning of my Senior year and was meant to bring our class close together
so that our final year was one of unity and friendship rather than of disunity
and resentment. Fourteen of my class of
sixteen went. We spent the morning
packing and making sure that we didn’t bring too much and then we drove
there. I think I can safely say that
none of us expected much of the three day trip.
Some of the hurts and resentment went too deep, lasted too long. But we went, and we hoped a bit.
The first day was not very promising, for me at least. Let me just say that I am fine with spiders,
as long as they stay in their own little corners of the world where I will
never go and chance to inhabit. So, when
a large red spider with an egg sack on it decided to rest on my thigh, I did
the reasonable thing and remained calm and gently brushed it off. Not. I
screamed, interrupting our guide, and froze.
As everyone else asked where the snake in the grass was, I responded
with another scream upon which they spotted the spider. One of my friends bushed I off with a stick
and I looked up in embarrassment to see one of my friends standing halfway
across the clearing. Thanks.
We were shortly afterwards given the potty sermon using
Deuteronomy 23:12-14. Though he used it
to tell us how we were to go to the restroom out there, he also applied to the
waste in our lives and how we are to take it away from what is clean in our
lives and leave it there. I was tired
though at that point and didn’t pay much attention. That night, when he had us sit around a fire
to talk, none of us spoke much. All he
managed to drag out of us was that we did not trust each other but we wanted
to. We just knew each other too well to
trust each other.
I’m not sure when it started. Perhaps when we began to rock climb on a
fifty foot cliff and were told to trust each other to be able to keep us safe
if we were to fall as the bilayers.
Perhaps it was when the girls went spelunking through the various different
rock formations. Or when the boys began
to work together to knock down trees or formed teams for their “shrapnel
charges”. These shrapnel charges
consisted of them breaking branched against trees in such a way that the
shrapnel would fly towards a boy on the other teams. Needless to say, many of them had bruises.
That night, as we spoke, there were more results. I can’t remember who spoke first, but it
began with one person naming something that had been done to hurt them and the
offender/s apologized. Soon, a boy
confessed something that he did wrong to other people in the class and
apologized while we forgave him. Soon,
over half the class was crying as we confessed, apologized, and forgave.
Forgiveness. It is
amazing what that one simple word can do.
It is so hard though to live the word.
Sometimes, it is as simple as saying, “I forgive you” and then you move
past it and maybe even forget it. Other
times, you have to forgive them again every time that you think of it. As far as the east is from the west seems
impossible when it hurts to just think of it.
Forgiveness seems like a nonentity when you are, once again, crying
yourself to sleep, just so hurt by it that you can’t see beyond the pain.
The Senior Wilderness trip doesn’t work for every class. I know classes who were actually worse
afterwards. But for my class, it
worked. Our class bonded and got closer. Suddenly, the boys who regularly annoyed us
to the point of fury were funny again. The
jokes that regularly went too far almost stopped altogether and when they did
go too far, it was simple to convince them to stop. But there were two girls who didn’t go. J was simple and easily caught up to the rest
of the class. There was no problem with
her being a part of the new class. H was
different though. She had been hurt
deeply by many of the actions from the entire class. Only another boy and I hadn’t been a part of
that hurt. She accepted our apology but
she didn’t really forgive. Every attempt
of the class to bring her into our newfound friendship was rebuffed and she
certainly didn’t do anything to meet us halfway.
You see, that is another funny thing about forgiveness: it is a choice. We chose to forgive each other. She chose to hold her hurt as a shield
between her and the rest of us. And it
worked. By the time we graduated, most
of the class had given up on her and she could barely be counted as friends
with any of us. But in the end, it was
only her who was affected by her refusal to forgive. The rest of us were disappointed but it did
not matter that much in the end. God
wants us to forgive because he forgave us.
But the words alone are not enough.
There are actions that also need to go with it.
(926 words)
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